Ya Got Trouble (Extrait De La Comédie Musicale « the Music Man ») - Robert Preston

Friend, either you’re closing your eyes

To a situation you do not wish to acknowledge

Or you are not aware of the caliber of disaster indicated

By the presence of a pool table in your community

Well, ya got trouble, my friend, right here

I say, trouble right here in River City

Why sure I’m a billiard player

Certainly mighty proud I say

I’m always mighty proud to say it

I consider that the hours I spend

With a cue in my hand are golden

Help you cultivate horse sense

And a cool head and a keen eye

J’ever take and try to find

An iron-clad leave for yourself

From a three-rail billiard shot?

But just as I say

It takes judgment, brains, and maturity to score

In a balkline game

I say that any boob can take

And shove a ball in a pocket

And I call that sloth

The first big step on the road

To the depths of deg-ra-day--

I say, first, medicinal wine from a teaspoon

Then beer from a bottle!

An' the next thing ya know

Your son is playin' for money

In a pinch-back suit

And list’nin to some big out-a-town jasper

Hearin' him tell about horse-race gamblin'

Not a wholesome trottin' race, no!

But a race where they set down right on the horse!

Like to see some stuck-up jockey boy

Settin' on Dan Patch? Make your blood boil?

Well, I should say

Now, friends, lemme tell you what I mean

Ya got one, two, three, four, five, six pockets in a table

Pockets that mark the diff’rence

Between a gentlemen and a bum

With a capital «B,»

And that rhymes with «P» and that stands for pool!

And all week long your River City

Youth’ll be fritterin' away

I say your young men’ll be fritterin'!

Fritterin' away their noontime, suppertime, choretime too!

Get the ball in the pocket

Never mind gettin' dandelions pulled

Or the screen door patched or the beefsteak pounded

Never mind pumpin' any water

'Til your parents are caught with the cistern empty

On a Saturday night and that’s trouble

Yes you got lots and lots of trouble

I’m thinkin' of the kids in the knickerbockers

Shirt-tail young ones, peekin' in the pool

Hall window after school, ya got trouble, folks!

Right here in River City

Trouble with a capital «T»

And that rhymes with «P» and that stands for pool!

Now, I know all you folks are the right kind of parents

I’m gonna be perfectly frank

Would ya like to know what kinda conversation goes

On while they’re loafin' around that Hall?

They be tryin' out Bevo, tryin' out cubebs

Tryin' out Tailor Mades like cigarette fiends!

And braggin' all about

How they’re gonna cover up a tell-tale breath with Sen-Sen

One fine night, they leave the pool hall

Headin' for the dance at the Arm’ry!

Libertine men and Scarlet women!

And Rag-time, shameless music

That’ll grab your son, your daughter

With the arms of a jungle animal instinct!

Mass-staria!

Friends, the idle brain is the devil’s playground!

Trouble!

Oh, we got trouble

Right here in River City!

Right here in River City!

With a capital «T»

And that rhymes with «P»

And that stands for pool

That stands for pool!

We’ve surely got trouble!

We’ve surely got trouble!

Right here in River City

Right here!

Gotta figure out a way

To keep the young ones moral after school!

Trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble, trouble…

Mothers of River City!

Heed that warning before it’s too late!

Watch for the tell-tale signs of corruption!

The moment your son leaves the house

Does he re-buckle his knickerbockers below the knee?

Is there a nicotine stain on his index finger?

A dime novel hidden in the corn crib?

Is he starting to memorize jokes from Cap’n Billy’s Whiz Bang?

Are certain words creeping into his conversation?

Words like, like «swell»?

Trouble, trouble, trouble!

Aha! And «so's your old man»?

Trouble, trouble, trouble!

Well, if so my friends

Ya got trouble

Oh, we got trouble

Right here in River City!

Right here in River City!

With a capital «T»

And that rhymes with «P»

And that stands for pool!

That stands for pool!

We’ve surely got trouble!

We’ve surely got trouble!

Right here in River City!

Right here!

Remember the Maine, Plymouth Rock and the Golden Rule!

Oh, we got trouble

We’re in terrible, terrible trouble

That game with the fifteen numbered balls is a devil’s tool!

Devil’s tool!

Oh yes we got trouble, trouble, trouble!

Oh yes we got trouble here! We’ve got big, big trouble!

With a «T»!

With a capital «T»!

Gotta rhyme it with «P»!

Gotta rhyme with «P»!

And that stands for pool!

That stands for pool!

Remember my friends, listen to me, because I pass this way but once!