Ladies First - Marlo Thomas

Did you hear the one about the little girl who was a tender, sweet young thing?

Well, that’s the way she thought of herself

And this tender, sweet young thing spent a great deal of time just looking in

the mirror and saying:

«I am a real little lady. Anybody could tell that

I wear lovely starched cotton dresses with matching ribbons in my lovely curly

locks

I wear clean white socks and shiny black patent leather shoes, and I always put

just a dab of perfume behind each ear.»

When she was at the end of the lunch line at school, all she had to say was:

«Ladies first, ladies first.»

And she’d get right up to the front of the line

Well, her life went on like that for quite a while, and she wound up having a

pretty good time

You know, admiring herself in mirrors and always getting to be first in line

and stuff like that

And then one day she went exploring with a whole group of other people through

the wilds of the deep and beastly jungle

As she went along through the tangled trails and the prickly vines,

she would say things like:

«I have *got* to be careful of my lovely dress and my nice white socks and my

shiny, shiny shoes and my curly, curly locks, so would somebody *please* clear

the way for me?»

And they did

Or sometimes she’d say:

«What do you mean, there aren’t enough mangoes to go around and I’ll have to

share my mango because I was the last one across that icky river full of

crocodiles and snakes? No matter how last I am, it’s still 'Ladies first,

ladies first,' so hand over a whole mango, please.»

And they did

Well then, guess what happened?

Out of nowhere, the exploring party was seized, grabbed up by a bunch of hungry

tigers!

And these tigers tied all the people up and dragged them back to their tiger

lair, where they sniffed around, trying to decide what would make the best

dinner

«How about this one?» said the tiger chief

«Nah, too boney,» said the others

«Well, what about this one? It’s got a lot of meat on it!»

«Uh-uh. Meaty, but muscley.»

«Oh, for heaven’s sakes, don’t take all night!» said the chief tiger.

«I never saw such a pack of picky eaters. How about this one, then?»

«Looks tender… smells nice. In fact I never saw anything quite like it before.

I wonder what it is?»

«I am a tender, sweet young thing.»

«Oh, far out,» said the tiger chief

«I am also a little lady. You should know that by my lovely clothes and my

lovely smell

And if it’s all the same to you, Tiger Tweetie, I wish you’d stop licking me

And untie me this instant! My dress is getting mussed.»

«Yes… uh…» the tiger said. «Well, as a matter of fact, we were all just…

uh… trying to decide who to untie first.»

«Ladies first! Ladies first!» she said. And so she was

And mighty tasty, too