The Dark Knight is Confused - Mark Douglas

KID

Batman! Why is he running, Dad?

GORDON

Because we have to chase him

KID

Why?

GORDON

Because he can take it. Because hes not a hero, hes a silent guardian,

a watchful protector, the Dark Knight

KID

I dont get it

GORDON

Neither do I son, but it sounds cool

BATMAN

As I ride on my bike at the end of Dark Knight

Theres a few plot points that just dont feel right

Like why the hell did I agree to take the rap

Harvey Dent killed those people. Who gives a crap?

And the Joker pulls crimes in such an orderly manner

He must write it down in an evil day planner

His henchmen are psycho and expendable

Yet somehow completely dependable

And why is Morgan Freeman all pissed at me?

He seemed to resign kind of randomly

Its OK to build me an armored tank-car

But ooh, tapping phones, thats going too far

This movie of my life just doesnt hold together

At least is beats the crap out of Batman Forever

I enjoy car chases, explosions and suspense

Is it too much to ask that it all make sense?

ALFRED

No no Master Wayne, you dont understand

You can’t kill a symbol, but you can kill a man

BATMAN

If I want to quit then thats my choice

ALFRED

Were alone you dont have to use that voice

And what about Ms. Dawes its like you just forgot her

BATMAN

In Batman Begins she was so much hotter

ALFRED

Joker, are you busy? Lets call a truce

I need you to help explain the plot toBatman

JOKER

Call me insane, but I consider us friends

I brought the DVD so we can watch it again

ALFRED

Ill make the popcorn and pour the sherry

Ooh, maybe we could watch it with the commentary

BATMAN

How does Harvey Dent do total 180?

ALFRED

Well they barbequed his face and he lost his lady

BATMAN

When did you have time rig up both of those boats

JOKER

Does talking that way ever damage your throat?

BATMAN

Well at least they got rid of Joel Schumacher

JOKER

You know movie is really good the Hurt Locker

BATMAN

Oh I heard that was good. Ive been meaning to see it

ALFRED

Whos in it?

JOKER

Anthony Mackie

ALFRED

I dont know who that is

JOKER

He was in Eight Mile

ALFRED

Oh, he the guy who hosted the rap battles

BATMAN

No that was Mekhi Phifer

ALFRED

Joker youre getting white makeup all over the popcorn

JOKER

Sorry, Hey did I ever tell you how I got these scars?

BATMAN

YES! Several versions

ALFRED

Maybe some other people would like to hear the story